Horrors in my mind
by Me Again Just Cooler
Summary: Embry s life is just fine, not great, but good enough. After the drama with the Vulturi has settled down he is secretly yearning to do the same, to find his imprint. But as always, it s never that easy. Specially if your soulmate has one foot in the grave.
1. Chapter 1

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 1:

Seattle was in it´s perpetual gray state: gray skies, gray buildings. Giving an eerie feeling to the air. A brunette woman made her way gracefully to a undescript building, identical to the ones surrounding but for the faded numbers by the door. Her dark pea coat flapping with the cold wind while she waited patiently for the metal doors to open.

A shrill sound came from inside as the doors unlooked and made way for the woman to enter, after a second of hesitation she pushed in gently in to the warm air of a elegant reception area. An empty, dark reception.

The woman´s golden eyes traveled the room quickly, taking in every piece of furniture, every speckle of dust in the air. Her senses tingling with the knowledge that she was in fact, not alone in the building. The fluttery heartbeat of another person in the next room, rapidly, anxiously approaching.

-¨Mrs. Cullen!¨-Exclaimed a heaving man, his round figure gasping for air after such a short run made the woman twitch with sympathy and concern.

-¨Bella, please¨- Her voice a soft melody, a bird´s happy chirp. The man´s red face began to crease with an uncertain smile.

-"Yes, good evening Bella. Please, come in!" The man spun quickly, hands having wildly to the open door down the only lightened hallway.-" We have much to discuss. Here, let me take your coat, it must be dreadful outside...¨

Bella nodded, slipping out of her coat and letting Jenks take it with stumpy, hurried hands and made her way slowly towards the bright office, taking in her new surroundings with a uneasy glance. Until yesterday their dalliance with Mr. Jenks had been completely one-sided: the Cullen´s called, he provided, never the other way around.

Bella remembered Jasper´s foul temper as the call was received and the appointment was made. Saying plainly that maybe the partnership had been outlived. Carlisle had not been happy, but to Bella`s utter shock, had not argued.

Bella was of another thinking; the man had been nervous, afraid even, while pleading for a date. And even with her 20 short years on her back, she knew: there were few things in this world able to turn cowards into brave men.

She had set a date against everybody's better judgment, and now, in the empty office she could smell the sickly sweet scent of a child in the air, vomit, sweat... blood.

Bella´s fingers curled in as she took the seat offered to her by Jenks, taking in his lose fitting suit, evident in lost weight, his draught and pale face, the dark circles under sorrowful eyes.

-"I´m sorry to bother you with such short notice"- Jenks stuttered out, fiddling about in the small room, picking and arraigning things that did not need rearranging. Anxious- "I know this isn´t how we usually work, but I found no other way."

Finally Jenks sat next to her, as opposed to the large chair on the other side of the desk, leaning in to Bella even as his pulse raced with fear, clearing his dry throat he sighed.

-"You have a child, Bella?" this was said as a fact, Bella nodded slowly.

-"So do you" She replied, cogs turning quickly in her head, trying to tie every end to bring sense to this mystery.

J. Jenks nodded heavily, a resigned expression on his round face. –"So you must know what one is capable of doing for the sake of their children."- Jenks raised his troubled eyes to meet her own-" what one is capable of asking for?"

Realization began to dawn on Bella, frozen in place as her body begged to spring out of her seat and away from the broken man. Her expression must have bellied her thoughts as Jenks hurried to shove a wrinkled photograph in her cold hands.

-"This is Tessa, my little Tessa."- He rushed, pushing the picture in her immovable hands until her shock subsided into something worse and much more heavy in her chest, looking into the bright blue eyes of a young girl, no more than 15, holding a violin proudly in her hands as most would hold a sword, smiling fiercely into the camera. Her heart shaped face flushed, nearly as red as her waving crimson hair, smile so contagious it prompted a smile of her own to Bella´s tight lips.

Almost as if taking this as permission, Jenks continued.

-"She is my daughter, my only daughter. For many years it has only been her and I... It´s been hard but we get by, she´s so much like me that it´s almost like living with myself... you can imagine the fights!"- Jenks broke into roaring laughter, nearing on hysterical. Bella smiled hesitantly, waiting him out.

Jenks sobered quickly, ringing his hands together as he slowly began to form his speech in his mind:-"My wife died when she was still young..." –He said, sucking in a harsh breath- "she bit off her tongue and drowned in her own blood."

Bella was shaken out of her revue, throat tight in horror.

-"She was schizophrenic, you see"- Jenks sighed, an almost clinical tone even if his eyes dulled with past sorrow, buried deep with the years but no less painful as they were all brought back for their perusal.

Jenks pulled a handkerchief out of his breast pocket, drying the sweat pooling on his wrinkled brow and cheeks.

\- "The horrors in her mind were far more than she could take, she was only 30 years old then, had been diagnosed only 3 years before with frontotemporal dementia and paranoiac schizophrenia."

Jenks paused and laid back into his chair, suddenly tired and expression wary. His shoulders though, Bella noted, set with determination.

-"Tessa and I were left alone too soon, but we managed, at her 16 years she is already a virtuoso in the violin, an accomplished ballerina and was accepted into Julliard 2 months ago"- Jenks boasted, his fat chest puffing with pride as he gazed into the young girl´s stormy eyes.

-"You must be so proud"- Bella whispered, her pale fingers passing gently over the youths face, dreading what her mind shouted but her heart refused to hear.

-"I am"- Jenks lip trembled, passing a heavy hand over his newly sweaty face, voice rough- "Dear God am I ever."

A broken sob escaped the man, suddenly shrunken in his rounded figure. Bella´s stilled heart seemed to jump to a full run as she braced her self for the fall.

Jenks sucked in a harsh breath and with a sudden swipe of his handkerchief his frown was gone, and suddenly Bella could see the same fierce look, like father like daughter. Jenks was no coward here.

-"Tessa was diagnosed with early onset frontotemporal dementia 3 months ago."

Bella´s back hit the chair, suddenly her own weight too heavy to bear, even with her immortal strength. Her eyes itched to shed tears for a child she had never met, tears that would never come.

-"She was too young to remember her mother; before the disease, that is."- Jenks parroted quickly, almost as if the words could drown away the terrible truth he´d just laid bare in the silent office.- "but she wasn´t by the end of it, the nightmares, the violence... the screams, I don´t know if there ever is an age when that won´t scar."

"But she remembers what it´s like, she´s seen it, what it does to people: it starts innocently enough, not remembering things, stumbling about a bit, my Natalie always was a bit of a ditz"

Jenks laughed, an empty little thing that held no joy, before setting his eyes above Bella´s shoulder, seemingly far away.

-"Then it isn´t so innocent anymore, you forget your neighbors, your friends... your family. And that´s when the hallucinations set in..."- He paused for a moment, steeling himself- "She once tried to boil Tessa alive in the stove so the monsters wouldn´t get her, and that was when she still remembered who she was."

Bella held her breath, her hands tightening dangerously over the thin photograph, her treacherous mind conjuring the image of Rennesme in a big pot. She lurched forward, gagging into her hands, dropping the photograph, the face of a bright young girl staring right into her from the polished floor.

A meaty hand laid on her trembling shoulder hot as burning cowl. Bella breathed deeply, taking in the smell of a sweaty Jenks and the ghost of a sickly youth.

-"Forgive me, I shouldn´t have been so crude."

Bella straightened herself, willing away the thoughts of her precious daughter in harm so as she could function. Jenks served her a glass of water from a decanter on the desk, which she took gratefully, but did not drink. The gesture, so common when she was human, brought her little comfort now as she felt the cool glass in her palms. Jenks took notice of this and nodded to himself, as if remembering something all of a sudden.

-"Yes, of course. You don´t eat, you don´t drink."

Her body tensed in her seat. Jenks huffed and waved a heavy hand.

-"Don´t bother Bella, dear. I´ve worked for decades with Mr. Hale, I don´t know what exactly it is that I know but I certainly know something."

"Grief has made me bold, or foolish, but I couldn´t stay quiet if there is even a remote chance that this..."

Jenks sobbed once again, now looking directly into Bella´s eyes, pleading.

-"If there is even a small chance that you could save my girl."

-"You don´t know what you´re asking for." Bella croaked, her own throat impossibly dry, suddenly she wished she could drink the cool water, even knowing it wouldn´t help.

Jenks whimpered: -"Maybe I don´t, but you do. _You_ , sweet Bella, do; and if you believe that you could save my daughter, if being like you would spare her even an ounce of suffering. I beg you"- He fell to his knees, clasping his wet palms to the bare skin of her knees, careless to the calling in his instinct that screamed: Danger!

-"Please, save my daughter."

She could have pushed the man away, break his neck as Jasper surely would, the safety of her family above all, or even just walk away and disappear. But the pleading of a desperate father and the triumphant grin of a brilliant child had hooked her heart. And really, there was only one thing her motherly heart would have allowed.

-"Yes."

 **Author note: Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 2:

Bella had returned to the Cullen Household with an anxious demeanor, the same that quickly gave her away, that and Alice redecorating the basement with a cheery tune.

Rosalie stood fuming by the threshold, her beautiful face turning in a furious snarl.

-"How dare you!"

In a second Edward was by her side, his warm arm curling over her sunken shoulders like an iron armor. Bella felt her conviction strengthen in his arms, curling her own around his slender waist.

-"She is sick and in pain."

-"And what do you call the feeling of your throat burning every time you so much as hug Nessy."

-"Rosalie!"- Esme scolded, holding on tighter to Nessy´s confused little body, taking one last scandalized look at Carlisle and breaking into a righteous run towards Edward´s and Bella´s cabin.

Now it was Carlisle´s turn to frown disapprovingly at the blonde beauty.

-"Rosalie, that was not necessary."

-"Of course it is necessary, someone has to make her understand! Not everybody is going to be as lucky as you, Bella!"

Rosalie pierced Bella with a hateful glare. Ignoring Emmett´s hand on her shoulder as she spewed her venomous truth in her face.

-"You think you´re saving this girl? You´re pulling her from one hell just to drop her into another!"

-"She could die!"- Bella burst, staggering in Edward´s hold as if her inhuman body could hold her no longer, stammering: -"Horribly..."

Rosalie´s expression turned to one of condescending fury, letting out one croaked ultimatum: -"You do this Bella, and she still will."

-"Rosalie, that´s enough!"- Edward snarled, his body now hunching slightly as if ready to spring into a fight. Rosalie flipped her blond locks over her delicate shoulder and gracefully walked away, not saying another word.

She didn´t have to.

Bella looked down to her pale, immortal hands, and tried to remember what it was like barely a year ago, when she had been warm, soft and alive.

She could, but only barely.

Her mind was racing, second-guessing time and time again. She clenched her hands into frustrated fists. She was usually so assertive, so determined. Now, when dealing with another person´s life, decisions didn´t come quite as easily.

She turned to meet with her husbands golden eyes, still feeling the surge of overwhelming affection in her chest. Not one regret in her.

Almost as if he knew what was going on in her mind, impossible unless she decided so; he took one of her fists in his own hands and slowly intertwined his fingers in her own, smiling at her with so much warmth.

-"Bella"- Carlisle called, his voice even and completely unreadable.- "Could you come to my office, please? I believe we should speak before taking any drastic decisions."

She nods and made to follow him, Edward by her side and Jasper trailing just behind them in a sullen silence. As soon as they settle in the elegant room, Bella takes a thick stack of papers from her handbag and places them in a neat pile on the mahogany desk.

-"I´m not a Doctor, but I think this will help you understand my decision."

Carlisle carefully opened the first folder of the medical record, eyes passing light speed over the many papers, his expression one she liked to classify as the universal medical physician face. Deep concentration and empathy. Edward squeezed her hand, his mind linked to Carlisle and as such, his face going gloomier.

-"Dementia, he said"- Bella blurted, not standing the silence for another second.- "there is no cure..."

The last part she phrased as a question, again, she was not a doctor and she found herself sorely lacking as she´d accepted the mountain of papers with medical gibberish. Edward sighed.

-"Frontotemporal dementia: it´s a shrinking, of sorts, of the front side of the brain"- he explained, golden eyes locking with hers with a commiserating gaze- "mainly it affects the parts of the brain that regulate ones personality, but it also affects the memory and in few... extreme cases, it can accelerate the onset of various mental illness... schizophrenia for example..."

Bella swallowed painfully:- "Is she?"

Carlisle sighed:- "Yes... this is a very aggressive case"- He passed a heavy hand over his handsome face- "it so rarely affects people so young, 16 years old..."

Edward explains:- "The disease does not always kill the patients, per se. But it´s the complications that do... she´s already had internal bleeding from a gastric ulcer perforation..."

Carlisle set the papers down, seemingly had enough of it. A somber face reflecting his heavy soul. He too, could not face the possibility of abandoning this girl to her luck.

Jasper comes closer, face stern, but not without sympathy:- "You know what could happen if the Vulturi were to know of this... what it would mean for this family if you do turn her into one of us."

-"The Vulturi won´t know, because there will be know one to tell them."-Bella declared. Stunning the men into a disturbed silence.

-"Bella..."- Edward began, taking his time to chose his words- "did you kill Jenks?"

-"No, but if we do this, he´ll do it himself."

 **Author note: Please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 3:

The Dinner was full and lively, a common Sunday morning of families and friends gathering together and engulfing large quantities of greasy food.

In one corner of the dinner, cooped into a tiny booth sat several native American men, all dressed in shorts and flimsy t-shirts, not one care for the cold weather or the drizzling rain outside the window.

Embry Call, one of the boys so cheerfully slathering his face with bacon, smiled with his mouth full at Leah Clearwater, cackling merrily when the older girl gagged into her drink. Quil Ataera pumped his fist in the air, gulping down a mouthful of scrambled eggs with a whole glass of milk. Seth Clearwater smothered his laugh in his pancakes while Jacob Black patted Leah´s back with amused sympathy.

They had just finished a long night of patrolling, prompted by Jacob´s perceived twitchiness from the Cullen´s these last few weeks, they could very well be holding a fart but any threat, imagined or not, to a wolf´s soulmate (more so the alpha) was something to investigate.

So on they went, patrolling the woods surrounding the Cullen Clan to make it the safest place in the continent, second only to the white house, and only because Obama has more minions than Nessy does.

Now, as Embry saw the tired satisfaction in his alpha´s face, he couldn´t bring himself to resent it, even if the whole imprinting thing still weighted heavy on his chest.

At this pace it would be him and Leah, single and bitter.

With a hearty sigh, Embry took another slice of bacon in his greasy fingers and chewed almost vindictively.

He was 17 years old, he shouldn´t be worried about settling down, he should be partying, chasing girls, enjoying his youth for crying out loud! But as much as he told himself this, he couldn´t help the sting of envy as he saw his friends, brothers, look at their imprints, like everything that mattered in the world was right in front of them.

And even against every rational thought, he couldn´t wait to have that as well.

More so when he saw his mother, so alone, so angry at the world, struggling to hold on to him as the only thing to keep her from drowning. Even after all these years of lies, disappointment, her believing him a cokehead or a criminal. And maybe, if he had a girl to bring home for Friday dinner, he could finally give her some peace.

And secretly, he just wanted to know what it´s like to look at someone and firmly believe the sun shine´s out of their ass.

The chime of the dinners door opening pulled him out of his somber thoughts, his eyes darted absentmindedly towards the sound. Noticing a fat man entering, holding the door open for a young girl in ill-fitting gray pants and hoodie, wiping his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief, Fork´s cold and rainy weather apparently had not helped the bulgy man much.

The man shuffled aside, curiously mindful of the girl´s every step. The girl, a pale, cute fairy like red head, walked inside with arms wrapped firmly around her small figure, rubbing almost franticly at her arms to gain some warmth from friction.

-"This looks nice, doesn´t it, Tessa?"- the man proclaimed proudly, pulling the girl with gentle hands towards a empty booth in front of the large windows facing the patch of forest that touched the main road.- "Smell´s delicious, too."

The redhead nodded sagely and sat limply in the ugly blue leather booth, ringing her ghostly pale hands together. I stared at her for a long while, watching quietly as the old, fat man attempted and failed time and time again to get a positive response from the girl. Honestly, she looked dead on her feet.

-"Look at this!"- the man boomed, taking the menu the elderly waitress handed them with too much enthusiasm- "great variety, what would you like, love?"

-"I´m not really hungry, papa." The girl croaked, her voice cracked and raspy, overused. The man´s, her father´s, face fell, suddenly hunching as if the broken words weighted heavily on his meaty shoulders.

-"You have to eat, love"- the man pleaded softly, taking hold of one tiny hand while the redhead shook her head weakly- "please darling, just a bite."

-"I can´t hold it down"- the girl whimpered, pulling her hand from her father´s hold to push the bright plastic menu away with frustration- "I can´t keep anything down."

Her father swallowed painfully- "Tessa, sweetie, you have to try."

I felt guilty as I continued to stare at them from behind my pile of food, feeling as if I was intruding on something very private. This was a sick girl, a very sick girl and I had no right to be privy of the tragedy. The sickly, over ripe scent of death sauntering around her under the natural cinnamon and vanilla smell of her skin.

I turned my eyes back towards my pack, tacking more measured bites, noticing in a side glance that Quil and Leah both picked at their food in a more mellowed manner. Life really was a bitch sometimes.

I took a forkful of scrambled eggs determinedly, as if making sure no food went to waste would somehow even out the fact that a girl just feet away was starving away.

-"I kind of like the sound of waffles"- the girl sighed, more resigned and just a pinch of hope in it as she added- "with strawberry jam?"

The old waitress nodded quickly, Bertha was her name, scribbling down the order quickly, avoiding the girl's eyes as her face wallowed in pity. The man on the other hand brightened considerably. Though that was probably the best news he´d heard in a while. –"And I´ll have the same, with some orange juice and a..."- He trailed off

-"Just a glass of water will be fine"- the redhead chipped, frailly stepping out of the small booth- "I´ll just go wash my hands, excuse me."

I looked away in a hurry, focusing on my plate as I heard her take dragged step after step towards the bathrooms, coming closer with each fragile stride. For some reason, a sharp tug in my chest made me look up as she approached, even as my entire pack bowed their heads to their plates sadly, all conversation forgotten. And suddenly, our eyes met. Stormy, fierce blue eyes.

And there was the sun.

 **Author note: Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 4:

My whole world spun, rearranged. Gravity altering to pull at a new epicenter, tying me down with a million steel cords to the new orbit where the only true law was that I belonged wherever she existed. And my whole life had only worked to bring me here, to her.

Everything was beautiful, nothing hurt and finally, just fucking _finally_ , there was a reason, every fucking thing made sense.

The sad, fatherless child. The bastard son of the tribe. All the shame and pity that had sat heavy on my shoulders since my birth now lifted. How can there be place for anything else when there was her: Tessa

And how she filled me, every corner of the pathetic little boy that had sat here was drowned in her sunlight. How could there ever be anything else but her?

But then, she looked away, _she walked away_. The red bathroom door firmly shut behind her and I could only think that, the red of the door wasn´t as brilliant as the red of her hair.

My whole body shifted as if to follow her, knocking my glass of orange juice with a careless elbow, making no move to stop it´s fall but till another slim, feminine hand held it´s decent, not spilling a single drop on the dirty linoleum floor.

I tracked the copper arm back to a pretty but stony face, feathery brown eyes wide, full lips pursed tightly. Leah looked like someone had just walked over her grave.

Grave.

 _Oh, that´s right, my soulmate is dying._

-"Wow." I croaked, my pack flinching as I looked them one by one, every single one with a knowing, haunted face.- "That- that´s so fucked up... I..."

-"Embry..."- Jacob whispered, his deep voice just seeping into my bones with all that fucking miserable tone of his. Breathing was slowly becoming harder, my heart speeding and fingertips tingling. My eyes darted around franticly- "I- I´m..."

-"My condolences, sir"- Bertha said, her elderly voice catching as she set two glasses on Tessa´s table. My head was starting to spin. Then, all of a sudden, a fat, sweaty fist hit the wooden table like thunder. Silence.

-"She isn´t dead yet." The man hissed, his round face set in a fierce snarl, blue eyes flaming, fierce, so like her daughter´s. All the eyes in the little dinner on him. Not just a fat man falling over himself to please, but a force not to be trifled with.- "And god have mercy on whatever sorry soul he sends to try to take her from me."

Bertha stammered some sort of apology and quickly scurried away. The door to the women´s bathroom opened and out came Tessa, pulling the hood off her head, revealing her long, curled tipped, crimson hair in a messy, _very_ messy pony tail. She walked passed us without sparing a single glance our way, and sat with a pinched smile at her flustered father. Politely, all the conversations continued, creating a pleasant hum.

Tessa tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear with dainty, pink tipped fingers.

My jaw clenched, hands firm and heart steady, I turned towards my pack and said: -"She isn´t dead."

Slowly, one by one, they nodded solemnly. Leah being the last to yield with a tremulous sigh.

It didn´t matter, her father was right: she isn´t dead. And it wouldn´t be him that death had to look out for.

-"You know you can´t scare off every little old lady that hits on you, right?" Tessa teased, her voice cracking still after taking a hefty gulp of her glass of water and a tiny white pill. Both knowing and ignoring the real reason for her father terrorizing the elderly. His fat face flushed as he patted his newly wet forehead.- "I can try."

Tessa smiled into her palm, resting her dimpled chin on it as she set her pointy elbow on the glossy table and stared vacantly out of the window. Her father gazed at her face with an empty expression for a long second before setting his hands down and sliding out of the booth with a boasting sigh: -"Well, I better go wash my hands before the food get´s here. I´ll be right back."

Tessa hummed her assent and continued to stare into the woods with glassy eyes.

As soon as the bathroom door shut behind her father´s back I took a deep breath and jumped out of the booth, sprinting to Tessa´s table ignoring the grasping hands and the stunted warnings from my pack as I sat across my pretty dash of sunshine.

-"Hi."

I heard someone groan and a hand slap to a face. Quil probably, because dating a 3 year old made you an expert player. I smiled widely as Tessa turned her waif like face to me, our eyes locking once more. I felt my heart flutter under her gaze. My hands started to shake in my lap.-" I´m Embry."

Tessa blinked.

God, she´s beautiful, absolutely gorgeous! I felt a swell of pride in my chest as I inevitably compared her to the other imprints, she could blow them out of the water like nobody´s business. _Oh shit, my hands are sweating!_

I rubbed them off quickly on my shorts- _fuck, I´m wearing shorts! I´m meeting the love of my life in dirty shorts and a frayed old T-shirt! Fuck you, Jacob!_

My face began to heat with an embarrassed blush, belatedly realizing I was shaking from head to toes. If I´d been in wolf form I´d certainly have my tail firmly tucked between my legs. My ears were burning.

 _God, please take me now._

-"Embry, is it?."

My breath caught in my throat. Tessa curiously tilted her head to the side, her blood tinted strands of hair slipped free from her cute little ear when she moved. My smile grew, my heart raced, _she´d said my na-_

-"Please fuck off."

I blinked, smile wide. A fork hit an empty plate.

-"Wha-?"

Tessa rolled her baby blues with a exasperated huff, one eyebrow arching daringly.

-"Look, I just took some pretty hardcore pills and I´ve had close to no sleep for 3 days straight"- She croaked, her voice straining to spell word after word, and still, she had her snark down on point- "I´m not above cutting you and blaming it on the medication."

To my side I heard Jacob choke and Quil gasp, Seth and Leah just altered from staring at us and then at each other with horrified expressions.

-"I just"- I stammered, hands clenching to the fabric of my jean shorts till my knuckles turned white.

-"Just do us both a favor and leave"- Tessa sneered, crossing her arms over her chest and turning to stare out the window once again- "I´ve got 6 months left and I don´t plan on wasting them on you."

My heart fell at that. I´d nearly forgotten about that. So little time left. I-

-"You´re sick"- I rasped, my voice wavering with such helplessness- "You´re... dying?"

-"Yes"- She sentenced, a bitter smile sinking my heart further as her eyes roved over the nearby trees- "doesn´t it show?"

-"I..."-My eyes roved over her daunt form, skin pale and ashen, joints painfully obvious even under the loose clothes, her heart shaped face with sunken cheeks, her long butterfly winged eyelashes, chapped pink, pouty lips, pointy little nose, the single fingerprint of a dimple on her chin...-" I think you´re the most beautiful girl I´ve ever seen."

-"...What?"

-"You´re gorgeous"- I said, as simply as if I was saying the sky is blue, water is wet. –"Absolutely fucking stunning."

Tessa gapped at me, eyes finally reaching to me, searching in shocked silence as if she could spot a lie in mine. She found none and an amazing pink tint began to taint her ivory cheeks.

-"Dear, is this boy bothering you?"

We were both ripped out of our soul searching by the grating sound of old Bertha´s voice. _God, will this woman ever give up?!_ I opened my mouth to say exactly who was bothering whom but then Tessa chirped. A soft uncertain little thing- "No... he isn´t."

I looked at Tessa, hope rising in my chest. Tessa cleared her throat, uncertainty tainting the little gesture as her eyes danced from Bertha- _the old hag_ \- and me- _the blubbering idiot_ -, her frail fingers pushing loose locks of unruly carmine hair.

-"Are you sure?"

 _Bertha, I will murder you!_ I gritted my teeth, my hands shaking again with the urge to just shut the meddling witch up.

Tessa smiled tersely, she too was wearing on her last nerve- "Yes, I´m sure."

Bertha nodded and placed two plates of steamy waffles and fresh jars of strawberry jam on the glossy table, setting one plate in front of me after a minute of hesitation, with one last stern look as if warning me against eating the damn things. I glared back, _hard._

The elderly whore looked away first, her wrinkly face turning soft as she spoke to Tessa in motherly tones:- "Is there anything else I can get you, dear?"

Tessa shook her head and thanked her in a hushed voice, her eyes beginning to take a ditzy, glassy sheen.

Bertha threw me one last suspicious glare and left to tend to another table. Tessa looked at the waffles with such a forlorn expression I could just weep.

-"I´ve lost 10 pounds this month." Tessa says.

I blink away the sting of tears- "Is it cancer?"

Blue, dreamy eyes met mine- "No, no cancer."

I wait for a long minute, heart firmly lodged in my throat. Tessa begins to lather her waffles with rich, red jam. I vaguely take notice, and a stray thought clings, _that red still isn´t as pretty as the red of her hair_.

-"Dementia"- Tessa coughs, taking painstakingly careful strokes of her knife to cut the sugary meal in bite sizes.

-"Isn´t that what old people get?" –I spout, confused. I hear another groan, Leah this time.

-"Frontotemporal dementia"- Tessa explains, finally taking a piece of waffle to her pink lips.- "It´s one of the only type´s of dementia that affect young people... the younger the onset, the worse the outcome... my mother had it."

 _Had._

I watch her chew, so focused, so scared to hurry even if I can practically feel her hunger. My heart breaks a little.- "Is there a cure?"

-"No."

And there it is.

Fuck, all these years just waiting, praying to find her and when I finally do she´s already slipping through my fingers. Just my fucking luck. I feel a warm wet drop hit my hand and only then I realize that my face is wet, _I´m crying, like a fucking baby._

I dart a glance at Tessa, she´s stopped eating and just that makes me want to brawl my eyes out. But the look on her face...

-"You don´t know me". She whispers, confused.

-"I wish I did"- I hurriedly dry my face with the back of my hands, frustrated, embarrassed, angry...- "I wish I´d found you sooner."

She sets her eyes on her meal, kindly giving me a moment to gather my wits and continues to eat in that frustrating measured pace.

-"Is there anything I can do? Any doctors we could visit"- I realize as soon as the words spill out of my mouth that I´m bargaining with an unmovable fact: The sky is blue, water is wet, Tessa is beautiful... Tessa is dying. My voice breaks a little- "I know a really good doctor I could-"

-"No... no more doctors"- Tessa rasps, setting her fork down with a dour finality.- "I know how this all goes and doctors poking me won´t make it any better."

There was a second of silence as her words sink in before she took her fork back up and continued to eat, now taking 2 stabs at the waffle to get it. I frown at her plate.

Tessa smiles, she has twin dimples on her cheeks...- "The medication makes me dizzy."

I nod slowly, felling so tired all of a sudden.- "How can I help you?"

She blinks rapidly, swallowing a mouthful before turning to stare at the fucking trees again, lost in her pretty little head.

\- "Theresa Jenks. Lemonwood lane 506. Forks."- She prattles, eyes still lost in the wilderness- "Come visit me when you can."

I open my mouth to say something, what I don´t know, when another throat clears directly to my side. I nearly jump out of my skin, her father, the fat sweaty man was standing right there. Chubby red face set and disapproving.

-"Did you lose something, son?"

Weirdly, when hordes of neophytes and the Vulturi couldn´t achieve in making every single one of my sphincters clench, one look from this man and clenching they did.

-"Um- I´m Embry Call."

-"Not what I asked, boy." He growled, somehow making himself look taller, more imposing in all his fat, balding, sweaty glory. I felt myself shrink under his glare.

-"I was just-"

-Papa!- Tessa yelped, hands flaying about to touch him blindly as her wide, suddenly scared eyes never strayed from the window.- "Papa look!"

Both of us tensed at her frantic tone, voice breaking more noticeably as she tried and failed to raise it, her anxiety almost palpable. She pointed into the forest.

Her father sighed, laying a calming hand on her shoulder and gently rubbing circles. I just kept searching, leaning forward to get a better look at what seamed to be an empty patch of trees.

-"There´s nothing there." He said.

I frowned, watching Tessa shake her head and grip on tightly to her father´s hand, almost twice the size of her own. The man rubbed one hand on his tired face and took deep breathes for a long second, looking tired to the bone.

-"There is! There is, I swear!"- Tessa argued, her blue eyes filling with tears, tugging at my heart as her bottom lip began to tremble- "It was following us since we left Seattle! It´s caught up with us!"

-"Honey, you know it´s not real"- Her father pleaded, his eyes darting around the dinner as the other people slowly began to turn towards the commotion- "Just quiet down now, love."

The first tear slid down a pale cheek and that was pretty much it for me.

-"I´ll go take a look, ok?"- I blurted, ripping Tessa from her captive watch of whatever terror sat outside. She stilled like she´d just now noticed my presence and for a second tried to remember who I was. Her father pursed his thin lips in irritation. –"Don´t encourage her, son."

-"I´m not lying!"-She cried, her agitation growing by the second as more tears flowed. I stood, sending a meaningful glance at my pack, which stood and nodded. One by one leaving the tiny booth, food forgotten as the need to protect an imprint surged.

-"It´s ok, I believe you"- I reassured her, ignoring the disapproving frown her father fixed me with, opting for holding her stormy gaze, urging her to believe in me as I said.- "It´s going to be ok."

And just as Leah finished paying for our breakfast, Tessa´s eyes darted to the forest and letting out a blood curling scream.

I was out of the booth and running in a millisecond, passing Jacob, Seth and Quil even if they´d had a couple of feet head start, my whole body shaking, seconds away from shifting as I crossed the tree line.

And found nothing... I spun in place, searching the bushes and scenting the humid air...

Tessa´s screaming stopped abruptly. A chill passed me and for a single moment I stilled, trying to make sense of it all, because I could swear on my life: _I´d seen something move._

-"You heartless son of a bitch!"

 _Leah..._

Jacob turned towards me, Seth and Quil going ahead, trembling from head to toe, and nodded. He´d take care of this.

I ran back to the dinner just as Tessa´s father came out, holding a limp girl in his arms.

My knees wobbled and I nearly fell face first into the parking lots asphalt.

 _Tessa, Tessa, Tessa..._

-"What happened to her?" I groused, my voice working around an invisible knot in my chest. The man ignored me as he dragged her towards an undescript car. Struggling and sweating a river. Leah came out the dinner with a furious snarl: -"The bastard stabbed her in the neck!"

Bertha yelled from inside the dinner: -"I´m calling the police!"

Tessa´s father stumbled into the car´s side, carefully balancing her little body in his fat arms, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of her head like she was the most precious thing in the world...

I stepped in front of them and opened the door of the car for the man.- "Let me help you with the seat."

I quickly ducked my head in the car and reclined the front seat as far down as it could go. A strange sense of calm taking over me even as my hands continued to shake. The gravity of the situation just now beginning to sink into my very core.

Tessa has dementia, which means: she is mentally unstable.

 _My soulmate is slowly going insane..._

I stepped aside as a shocked father looked at me with tearful, grateful eyes. Very blue eyes.

I cleared my throat and looked away- "Here, I´ll take her."

The man sent me one last dubious look and slowly passed the lovely redhead to my arms. Her limp body fitting in my arms just right, and weighting close to nothing. I held in a ragged sob and gently settled her in the front seat, finally noticing the sluggish trail of blood on her neck, product of a small needle piercing frail skin.

 _Oh god._

I blinked away fresh tears, feeling weak and emotionally drained. How long ago had I been wishing for this, for her? An hour? Half?

I rearranged her head to a more comfortable position, stealing a not so subtle whiff of her scent, committing it to memory: cinnamon, vanilla, the synthetic smell of narcotics and... death.

I hugged her unconscious form to me tightly for one long second, before pulling away, turning to her father and saying:- "There _was_ something in the woods."

The man stopped his hurried shuffle on the other side of the car, surprise and something much like hope mingling in his eyes: - "What?"

-"We didn´t get to see it but-"

He snarled, ripping the door open with a vicious tug: -"I´ve already got one bout of crazy to deal with, boy. I don´t need two."

I closed the passengers door soft, but firmly, pretending to not have noticed how something died in his eyes a little. Stepping away from the car as he buckled Tessa in and promptly backed the car out of the crowded parking lot just as the sound of a police car reached me. Miles away still.

Leah met my eyes in a incomprehensive play of emotions but backed away as I went into the dinner and paid for their meals. The bill still there after their hurried exit.

I surprised even myself at how calm I was. Maybe it hadn´t sunk in yet? Would I be a bawling lump of shit in 5 minutes? I glared at Bertha as I handed her a couple of bills and left under her reproachful frown.

Leah was waiting for me outside, face blank and fiddling with her cellphone: -"Charlie´ll be here in a minute."

I hummed in agreement, balancing myself on the sole of my feet. Any minute now...

After the sheriff came and went with statements of a man and her sickly daughter and an already paid bill, he waved us off and Bertha´s ¨concern¨ with a stern look and drove off.

Silently I start walking towards the gloomy forest, Leah following closely, like a very menacing shadow. Just as I reach the damn bushes that had probably just moved with a hard breeze, my legs give out from under me. And I started crying.

A pair of warm coppery arms wrapped around my shacking shoulders. Pulling me into a rocking embrace. Not a single word spoken.

It´s a good thing I broke down crying like a girl in front of the _only_ girl in the pack...

And probably the only person who could understand.

 **Author note: Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 5:

The very next day I woke up early, showered and dressed with the only decent button down and dark jeans in my possession. Stopping in front of the large mirror in my mom´s room and turning about, tucking and un-tucking the shirt anxiously. Cursing profusely as I noted a few wrinkles in the light blue fabric.

-"Ok, I can handle this"- I say to myself, taking even breaths as I unbutton the shirt careful not to pop the buttons in my hurry- "I´ll just iron this out a bit..."

A wolf whistle from the side caught my attention. I quickly covered my exposed chest with the shirt, probably making the wrinkles worst. I felt my face burn as my mother walked into the room with a huge basket of fresh laundry. Her smile full of mischief.

-"My, my! don´t you clean up well"- She teased, dropping the basket on her bed in turn to pay attention to her flustered son- "Now why would my boy be dolling up? Or better yet... for whom?"

I could feel my ears burn as I searched around the room for the damn iron, clutching the shirt closer to my chest as I avoided my mother`s eyes.- "No one in particular."

He caught the end of a dirty look she gave him before she sighed with resignation:- "Ok, don´t tell me, it´s not like I carried you for 9 and a half months, what happened to the squirmy baby boy who refused to leave the womb..."

I groaned and began to stomp my way outside, I´ll just go to Jacob´s house and borrow his iron... _wait, does he even own an iron? Maybe Quil´s house would be better, Mrs. Ataera would surely have one._

-"Oh stop it you big baby!"- My mother giggled; expertly removing my hands form the extremely wrinkled shirt and seamlessly pulling it off my shoulders, as if she were dealing with an unruly toddler and not a 17 year old werewolf. Not that she knew of that last part.

She then proceeded to get the iron out and expertly smoothen out the edges of the shirt, even marking a straight line on the sleeves.

-"You don´t have to tell me right now if you don´t want to"- She finally said, ironing out the collar to perfection.- "Just... you know I´m here for you, right?"

I nodded soberly, still avoiding her dull eyes guiltily. So many things I hadn´t told her and knew I wouldn´t.

-"Tada!"- she exclaimed, presenting me with the warm shirt proudly- "You´re all set to go. Wait"- I stumbled to a stop, shirt halfway on as I fixed her with a curious expression- "Have we ever had the ¨talk¨?"

I blanched, her eyes narrowed:- "Do we _need_ to have the talk, Embry Call?"

I hurried to button the shirt blindly, making a clumsy escape from her room to find refuge in mine. All the while chanting a stream of steady:- "No, nope, no we don´t."

-"Embry, wait a second, Embry!"- She yelled, scurrying to catch up with me- "at least tell me you know how to use a condom!"

-"Mom!"

The sound of a car honking in front of our house cut my escape and rerouted, I took the second of distraction to slip outside, finding Leah driving Jacob´s car, her expression one of deep amusement. I winced, face heating, but still opened the door to the passengers side and slid in with a carefully neutral expression.

-"I don´t know why you´re even here, but just drive."- I gritted, watching as my mother came out of the house and went to a full stop at the sight of Leah, gapping as I waved goodbye.

-"You do realize she now thinks we´re dating? Right?"

-"Yes, thank you for that, Leah!"- I barked, finishing up the buttons on my shirt and just then noticing I had done them wrong. I growled as Leah crackled, _the evil slut_.

-"Relax"- Leah shifted speeds, gradually making way from the reservation to the main road towards Forks- "Look at the bright side: now she _definitely_ knows you can put on a condom."

-"What do you want, Leah!" I snapped, my hands now useless thanks to the anger coursing through me, urging me to shift. Leah rolled her eyes and silently drove.

-"You asked Jacob to lend you his car to go see the girl, Terra, was it?"

-"Tessa"- I corrected with a cutting tone.

-"Yes, Tessa, well I thought you´d be a useless ball of nerves"- She sends me a pointed look at my unsteady hands- "and driving was out of question."

-"Jacob could have taken me there"- I grumbled, sullen as I finally finished buttoning my shirt correctly, and began debating whether to tuck it in or not.

-"Yeah well, Jacob´s imprinted to a half vampire toddler and- _oh for god´s sakes_ , stop trying to tuck your shirt in!"- Leah growled, smacking my hands away- "you´re going to a casual breakfast with a girl, not a job interview."- Another glance my way and she groaned- "and please do something about your hair, you look like a native American Donald Trump."

I frantically passed my hands through my short strands of hair, messing up my neat-combed catastrophe, then turned to Leah for approval, which she gave with a curt nod.

-"See? Could Jacob have done that?"

-"Probably." I sulked, relaxing into the seat of the Volkswagen. Leah made an inelegant snorting sound.

-"Anyway, you needed someone to drive you and make sure you didn´t make a fool of yourself, again. Dear Jacob, will just not do."

-"Thanks"- I snarked, though deep down I really meant it. I really was nervous, I didn´t know what to expect. Last night I´d googled the address she´d given me and had to spend the next 30 minutes in the bathroom, sniffling quietly so my mother wouldn´t know. _It was an asylum_. A new, fancy, retired rich people kind of asylum, but still.

I´d seen the photos advertising the place, it certainly looked nice, even with it´s completely bleak white walls and impersonal furnishing. Spartan at best. I just couldn´t imagine her there, the little spitfire. And the comments were all positive, great care, kind and serviceable staff...

I took a deep breath and focused on my memory of her face, her eyes...

-"It´s not going to get any better, is it?"- I asked to the air, feeling very small under all this inevitability.

Leah said nothing. She never was one for petty lies.

I swallowed hard.

The next fifteen minute drive was done in utter silence. Soon enough the familiar tracks of trees opened up towards the less populated, more expensive houses. I could feel my heart speed up with excitement, somber thoughts all but forgotten by the prospect of seeing Tessa again.

-"What number was it?"- Leah asked, squinting at the grand houses we passed by.

-"506"- I answered, drumming my fingers impatiently on my jean clad knees. Leah kindly avoided commenting on this though she did look a tad annoyed while she steered us into a large, white country like house with graveled parking lot completed with a stone fountain in the middle.

I was halfway out of the car when Leah´s hand grabbed hold of my shirt, _my neatly ironed shirt!_ I stopped on my tracks, if only to save the damn thing from wrinkling as Leah pulled me not so gently into the car.

-"Leah, what the-!"

Then a bundle of fresh cut flowers were shoved in my face, a combination of wild flowers and a couple of red carnations all tied up in a neat little bow of leather string... Identical to the one we use to tie our clothes as we shift.

-"Girls like flowers, dufous"- Leah grumbled, now staring out the windshield with an annoyed and slightly embarrassed flush- "See, would _Jacob_ know that?"

-"Probably not"- I grinned, smothering her in a quick hug, main purpose to ruffle her feathers, and ruffle feathers I did.

Now jumping out of the car to avoid getting maimed, I straightened my shirt and gripped the flowers to my heaving chest, suddenly feeling my heart fluttering about. One last deep breath and I took the front stairs two at a time. Pressing the door bell once, I waited patiently for the buzzer to open the thick barreled door, quietly approving of the security of the place even if it wouldn´t do much to keep me out, just regular human psychos. Good enough.

The door popped open with a loud click, and I made my way inside a large, parlor like reception area, complete with comfy looking couches and vases of synthetic flowers, it all smelled like vanilla and cinnamon, it brought a smile to my face as I approached a finely dressed lady on a polished marble counter.

-"Well aren´t we an early bird"- the lady- Stella, the metallic name tag said, -smiled a bright, but apologetic thing as she pointed to a clock on top of her work station- "I´m afraid it still isn´t time for visitation... If you´d like to wait for another 30 minutes I´ll let you right thru."

I stared at the damn clock with a bit if frustration- "Yeah, ok, I would just like to know if Theresa Jenks is ok? She came in yesterday and she was a bit anxious before so..."

I trailed off as the woman sent me a perplexed look- "I beg your pardon?"

-"Theresa Jenks."

The woman pursed her lips and promptly began to type on her computer, eyes narrowing as she worked. My gut began to tell me something wasn´t quite right.

Stella turned to me with a constipated look:- "I´m afraid we have no one under that name interned at the moment."

My grip on the little bouquet threaten to shred it as my heart sunk all the way to my feet.

-"Could you please check again?"- I pleaded, ignoring the pitying look the woman sent to me as she noticed the flowers- "I´m sure she gave me this address, maybe she´s under another name?"

-"I´m so sorry, but, we haven´t had any new patients since April"- Today was June 17-, "Is there anything else I could help you with? Do you need to call someone?"

My throat worked for a moment, nothing coming to mind except that I had found and lost my soulmate in less than 24 hours. I shook my head, ignoring the fucking sorry look on Stella´s pristine face and strode out, head down and eyes watering.

Tessa gave me the wrong address.

I slid into the waiting car and avoided Leah´s eyes, plucking at the little flower petals to wait myself out and avoid another waterworks for Leah to witness.

-"Are you sure this was the right address?" Leah probed, even if she herself had heard her say it, _Lemonwood lane 506_. I nodded stiffly.

-"She wasn´t lying... she"- Leah began, as if arguing with the fact that Tessa had never even touched foot on this place.

-"Well she was!"- I snapped, feeling like an idiot in this _fucking_ shirt with these _fucking_ flowers, I bust the car door open and threw the damn things as far as I could, then slamming the door shut, just shy of breaking the window before rasping a pathetic- "Will you just drive us home please?"

Leah nodded after a second, keeping her face carefully blank, something I was terribly grateful of.

I rubbed a tired hand over my face, feeling like I could just die right there and be done with it. So pathetic, before this fucking imprinting thing that kind of thoughts would never even crossed my mind. _Wanting to die over some girl who didn´t want you back? What a retard, but then..._ I had imprinted, Tessa had happened and there was no taking it back. And more fucked up even: I didn´t want to go back.

I had met Tessa and I was fucking happy to have her in my life. For those flimsy 20 minutes I had with her I would happily give up a lifetime with anyone else...

Even if this did hurt like a bitch...

I saw Leah take out her phone and speed dial Jacob, putting the thing on speaker as she drove like a beast through the main road.

-"What are you doing?" I asked, honestly confused at the sudden fierce determination in her eyes, and actually a little scared. A determined Leah Clearwater was a force not to be trifled with.

-"Calling in the reinforcements."

 **Author note: Please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 6:

15 minutes later I sat in the middle of Billy Black´s tiny living room, surrounded by my pack and Sam´s pack and feeling so fucking supported I could cry. Even old Billy himself was there, all solemn and soul piercing gaze thing going on. Right here, I finally could believe I had a chance at finding Tessa.

-"Ok, so maybe she wasn´t lying"- Paul started, holding a hand up as Leah began to protest-, "Just go with me for a second, you said the fat bastard stabbed her in the _neck with a needle_? Who does that outside of movies? Maybe she had to go to the ER or something, spend the night there?"

I froze as that possibility began to form in my head. I didn´t want her hurt, ever. But maybe that could be it, because giving me the slip like that, not a tell of a lie in her gorgeous face was something that hurt to much to dwell on.

Kim perked up at that, abandoning Jared´s lap with a hurried: -"I´ll call my mom!"

Kim´s mother worked as an ER nurse on the morning shift, but she would have access to any and all patients that stepped into the building. I could feel my chest swell with hope as the phone rang and Kim began to give details.

-"Hmm, there is a Theresa Marie Jenks, 16 years old, came in for probable bronco-aspiration, left AMA..."

I darted up and took the phone from Kim in under a second:- "Is she ok?!"

-"What, Embry? Is that you?"- Kim´s mom sputtered

-"Yes it´s Embry, just tell me, was she ok? What does AMA mean?!"

After an astounded second she began to prattle:- "You know I can´t give this kind of information-"

-"Fuck it! Just tell me if she´s alive, goddamnit!"- I snarled, hand trembling, the wolf prickling just under my skin, begging to come out and tear something apart. Jared hurried to pull Kim away, he himself shivering from head to toe, ready for a fight.

-"She is, it turned out to be a mild case of respiratory depression, side effect of a strong sedative they had given her, AMA means against medical advise but not necessarily a bad thing, she was conscious and stable by the time she left, according to the doctors note and if you _ever_ speak to me in that manner again I will have words with your mother."

And she promptly hung up...

I gapped at the phone for a long minute before putting it gently back to it´s charging station. Turning with an embarrassed face to meet Kim´s furious glare: - "Sorry about that..."

Kim glared harder but nodded anyway. Walking with Jared at her side towards the little chair they´d been sharing in a sullen silence. I rubbed the back of my neck in consternation as I went back to my seat in the middle of the room. Now feeling judged more than supported.

Seth patted my back and smiled, the good little buddy.

-"The bright side to this is she wasn´t lying and she might even be there by tomorrow!"

-"I´m not sure"- Brady cut in, face set in a deep frown-, "I mean, she left the hospital yesterday, why wouldn´t she go directly to the asy- _clinic_?"

I sort of appreciated the change of words, though it really wasn´t a secret to anyone that my lovely Tessa was a bit cuckoo.

-"They could have gone back home." Old Billy agreed from the far corner of the room, his voice still imposing and making all the heads turn to attention- "Nowhere like it after an improvised trip to the hospital."

-"If that´s the case, how do we find her?"

-"How do you find anyone, now a days?"- Billy answered, sly little smile on his face as he rolled his chair towards the computer in the other corner of the room. –"Facebook"

Rachel giggled and launched after her father who was already starting up the old, bulky thing with a proud smirk.

-"And how do you know about Facebook?"- She teased, leaning in to hug the man from behind the shoulders, pressing her smooth cheek to his rugged one as the rest of the pack gathered around them.

-"I´m a 60 year old cripple, living on his retirement and some good Wi-Fi"- Billy crackled, opening up his Facebook page where most post where from LOL cats-, "What else am I supposed to do?"

-"Not watch cat videos all day?"- Jacob jeered.

-"You judge all you want, but I ain´t ever seen a man able to see the damn things and keep a straight face."

Jacob groaned and pushed me to stand next to his father. I leaned into the shiny screen, watching intently as Billy typed in Theresa Jenks into the search box and on came a large display of users with similar names.

-"And this is as far as I go..."- Billy sighed, rolling out of the way for me to pull the chair next to the desk and settle in for the search. I could feel my hands beginning to sweat, and I discreetly swiped them on my nice jeans as I looked at all the little pictures accompanying the name for the sight of my beautiful redhead. Just as I began to scroll down the results I heard Rachel gasp from behind.

-"Did you mean Tessa J?!"

I looked up with an uncertain frown, eyes meeting Paul´s, just as confused at his imprint´s sudden outburst. Rachel was eyeing her IPhone with a shocked expression as she turned the little screen so I could see-"This Tessa J?!"

And there she was, my dash of sunlight. I was about to take the phone from her when Paul´s rumbled growl stopped my darting hand. Something told me ripping anything from Rachel´s hands would result in Paul ripping both my hands off, one for touching her and the other just to make a point. So I nodded and barely had time to jump up and away as Rachel reset the search in the computer for Tessa J and clicked on that pretty picture of hers all the while she chattered along.

-"She is a local celebrity! Tessa J is the youngest member of the Seattle Orchestra _ever_. A couple of years ago my ex- boyfriend took me to Seattle City Hall for her debut"-

I tried to pay attention to her even over Paul´s sudden bad mood at the mention of any other man even looking at his imprint and at the sudden heat pooling in my belly at the artistic and slightly sensual pictures on the screen. Tessa truly was beautiful, blue eyes smoldering, sitting there in a skimpy dress with her knees slightly bent, resting her slender elbows on them while one hand passed feathery fingers over her long, lean neck. _God don´t let me embarrass myself in front of these morrons, I´ll never live it down if I get a bonner in front of Old Billy´s computer._

-"I cannot even begin to explain what it was like"- Rachel continued, ripping me out of my heartfelt prayers, scrolling down from the nice picture to various videos Tessa had posted or was linked in and pressed play on one of them.- "I´ve never seen anyone so close to flying..."

The video began with a great stage, a whole orchestra already set in place, some even tuning their instruments as the director and a young girl in a flowing ivory dress walked onto the stage.

-"That´s Tessa"- I gasped. Watching a younger version of my soulmate stand in front of a enormous crowd with a stunning smile, her red hair pulled up in an intricate French bun and holding what looked to be like a violin in her dainty hands.

And then, with a silent signal of the director, the thundering music began; Tessa brought the violin to her dimpled chin and began to play.

The tune she ripped from those 4 little stings was enticing, the way she swayed with the music so captivated that it was no surprise that she would suddenly float away... So she did.

Tessa was off and away, dancing on her tip toes, jumping and twirling about as light as a feather, spinning like an October leaf on a gentle breeze. Her ivory dress flowing like wings at her back.

And all too soon, it was over, one last spin, one slender leg high up in the air as she spun in place, pulling a last heartfelt tune from her violin before setting both feet on the floor and with a cute curtsey, the spell was gone.

I resisted the urge to stand and applaud, just as the crowd there had- a full out standing ovation. And the steady streams of wow´s and oh fuck´s from my pack behind me told me I wasn´t the only one.

-"Amazing isn´t it?"

I nodded absentmindedly at Rachel, eyes still glued to the screen where a young Tessa, maybe 14 by the time, wiped away excited tears and received with a shy shrug of her little shoulders a huge bouquet of red roses. And again, I couldn´t help the thought that not even the rich crimson of those roses could compare to the lovely red of her hair.

-"So Embry´s imprint is a celebrity..."-Collin stated, gabbersmaked.- "Dude, did you see how far over her head her leg went?!"

I growled in his general direction, trying to hide the aroused blush that took my face at the thought of my Tessa, not the small child of the screen (because that´s just wrong), could be that flexible.

Collin backed up carefully as Leah mumbled something along the lines of: dirty little jerk.

The video ended in one last, graceful curtsey and I began to scroll along her profile with an eager eye.

-"A _local_ celebrity." Rachel remarked, sending Collin a dirty look- "She´s said to never had any presentations outside of Seattle and had close to no publicity for her functions... Very private girl."

-"So getting her address through here is going to be close to impossible."- Billy said, crestfallen.

-"Probably, but we can get information of her closest friends or even go to the Orchestra in Seattle and try our luck"- Jacob interceded, all focus and solutions.

I nodded, already scrolling through her most recent posts, letting the intense study of the whole thing for later. I had already noted two girls to be a constant in her more personal pictures, various selfies with them in different places, stores, movies, café´s.

And just as I was about to start stalking one of them for an address, one post stubbed me.

Tessa J is in a relationship with Marcus Verger

And there, a big bloody picture of my soulmate lip locked with some guy.

I belatedly noticed the silence in the room. So I put on my big boy pants, swallowed around the big fucking knot in my chest and clicked on the guy´s name, opening his profile and there, in his details was his _fucking address._

-"I say we ask him first..."

I had thought to make my voice sound pretty even, turns out it came out positively murderous. _Oh well..._

-"I don´t think"- Seth began, but I didn´t stay to hear the rest of his thoughts as I barged out of the Blacks house and very far away from that horrible photo, deciding to walk it off on the way to my house, where I could mope around in peace.

 **12 hours earlier...**

Jenks had always considered himself a cold, calculating man. That when decisions were made, could carry them out with a clear head.

But this was his baby

And he´s giving her to the wolves.

Jenks sobbed once again, parking the car in the place they´d agreed on. Taking one last look at his baby girl´s sleeping face. After that scare a few hours earlier he knew this couldn´t be stalled any longer...

Next time she could truly die.

-"I love you, darling"- He cried, pressing a lingering kiss to her pale, cold forehead. She barely even twitched. –"Don´t you ever forget that..."

So he fussed with the blanket covering her little body, making sure it covered her completely, gave her the most warmth it could afford and jumped out of the car.

He shut the door firmly behind himself.

Locked the car.

Threw the keys as far as his arm could reach.

And walked away...

 **Author note: Please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 7:

After a whole night of studying Tessa´s social media accounts: Facebook, instagram, twitter and snapchat. He could confidently say 2 things of his soulmate: 1.- She was incredibly talented. 2.-Was _stinking rich_.

Most of her posts were surrounded with luxurious, extravagant things. Her sweet sixteen gift had been a month long tour through _Europe,_ for fucks sake! Oh, and was probably a spoiled Daddy´s girl, what with all her comments about him and all the excessive gifts he´d give her.

How was I supposed to compete with that?!

-"Fuck"- I pinched the bridge of my nose, stressed and feeling more than just a bit inadequate, how was I supposed to give her half of what she´s so accustomed to have?

Even if she did survive those 6 months she said.

I shut my laptop and went in search of something to eat. Not really hungry but just to have something to do.

My mom had stepped out just minutes ago for a pack of cigarettes, so the house was soothingly silent. I pulled out my phone from my back pocket, ignoring the missed calls from half of the wolves from La Push and opening my freshly downloaded application of Facebook, continuing to scroll down Tessa´s profile, coming up with a video almost a year ago where she appeared in some youtuber´s makeup tutorial. The image picturing a blonde bimbo and Tessa smiling brightly.

I clicked on it as I served myself a bowlful of lucky charms and settled down to watch the thing.

The blond girl´s voice was irritatingly enthusiastic, but hearing Tessa´s real voice, not the broken thing she´d had in the dinner was like a balm to his soul. And she looked so happy there, I couldn´t help but smile as the girls chattered along with the complicated labor of applying makeup...

-"Embry... Are you watching a makeup tutorial?"

I closed my eyes, internally groaning as I tried to play it as cool as I could, ignoring my mother´s scandalized expression. Since when was she so stealthy?

-"Yes..."- I said, simply, monotone as I steadily never took my eyes of the little screen, watching intently as the girls went about contouring.

-"Okay." My mother said, voicing it almost as a question. So I nodded, taking another spoonful of rainbowy goodness- great choice of cereal considering what my mother must be thinking right about now- and not a second later she left to hide in her room.

Good side of this, she probably didn´t think Leah and I were bumping uglies anymore.

 _Probably Seth and I..._

I groaned and stopped the video and the blonde´s incessant chatter with it. One last look at Tessa´s half painted face and I put the phone away, emptied my bowl of cereal in hurried scoops, I dropped the thing in the sink and silently made my way outside and into the thick of the surrounding forest.

I took my clothes off and left them in a bundle by a nearby tree. Closing my eyes I allowed the wolf to take over, the shift tearing through me in one painful explosion. And then I wasn´t alone in my mind anymore.

I could hear Leah laugh heartily while Seth grimaced.

 _Fuck, don´t you people ever go home?!_ I mentally snarled, breaking into a sprint, already aching for a good run.

 _We still have patrol duty, remember?_ Leah sneered. Continuing her route with break neck speed. Seth doing the same after another second to recuperate of the disturbing imaging his mind and the little piece of information had brought forth.

 _Not my fault-_ I argued, setting a pace on the outer edge of the reserve, so as to my late night run may be useful.

 _You were watching a makeup tutorial, of course it´s your fault!-_ Seth yelped indignantly. Barely avoiding a tree in his offended stride.

 _Shut up._ I said finally. I had come here to not think, so that´s what I was going to do, and focused on putting one paw in front of the other, the smell of the trees, the wet soil and the wild animals surrounding me giving me a feeling of peace I hadn´t had in quite some time.

And still, Tessa never really left my mind. The Tessa I had discovered in those stolen pieces of film. The bubbly, sassy and quick witted girl that had stolen my heart, even as our souls had already intertwined.

I missed her so, so much.

 _We´ll find her, Embry-_ Seth thought my way. – _you´ll see._

Bella took a deep breath, taking the sleeping girl in her arms, Alice taking the bags in the trunk and Edward setting about to disposing of the car.

She ran back to the Cullen household, trying to steady her tremulous thoughts about what was about to happen. As soon as the large window paned manor came to view she felt as if she could breath freely. Meeting Carlisle on the front porch, whose face was solemn but not unkind. Softening with something akin to fatherly compassion as she passed the young girl to his arms.

-"Come, let´s take her inside, where it´s warm."

Bella nodded and followed Carlisle´s steady pace towards the newly furnished basement, the freshly _soundproofed, isolated basement_. Bella felt her immortal hand begin to shake as she descended the dark stairs into the large room. Guiltily watching and remaining silent as Carlisle set about to sedating the girl, like she had been when she´d been turned. Guiltily holding her tongue of the horrible truth. He was not muffling her pain, he was muffling her _screams_. Bella closed her eyes as Carlisle bit into a pale, slender wrist and set it silently to the girl´s sleeping side.

And she was silent.

-"I´ll stay with her, for a little while." She said as Carlisle passed her on the way out of the horrible room. He send her a sympathetic smile and nodded, shutting the door softly behind him.

-"I´m so sorry." She whispered, not daring to approach the now essentially gagged girl. And stood guard at her doorstep until she awoke again...

A week had passed and still no sign of Tessa or her fat father. Embry had already harassed the people at the Orchestra, only achieving in being kicked out, semi-forcibly, and just now winding up with the new address of the fucking hipster of a boyfriend. Since the little shit had thought it nice to move out in the last months and not inform Facebook about the merry achievement.

Now, as Embry had the ugly bastard tied to his own kitchen chair, Jacob, Quil and Seth standing by his side as he looked down to the guy and kept seeing in the back of his mind that kiss _, him and Tessa_...

Embry growled, unsettling the guy, eyes darting franticly from Jacob, who had kindly helped in tying him up, to me, about seconds away from tearing him apart with my bare hands.

Quil set a steadying hand on my trembling shoulder and I nodded sullenly, walking away to search his apartment while they interrogated him. As we´d agreed on.

Jacob walked up to the guy, and kneeled to be at eye level:- "I´m going to take the gag off in a second, if you scream, I´ll put it back on and then I´ll give you a reason to scream... Do you understand?"

The guy- Marcus- eyes widen with fear. Nodding franticly.

Jacob smiled:- "Don´t be scared, it´s jut a couple of questions, nothing bad... unless you _lie_ , then I will make it very, **very** bad for you"- Marcus paled and began to sob behind the cloth in his mouth.

I arched an eyebrow at Quil, sharing an impressed gaze at Jacob´s practiced Bad Cop routine.

Jacob shushed him, almost tenderly:- "It´s ok, let´s start with an easy one"- He pulled a printed picture of Tessa. One of the innocent ones she shared on instagram.- "Do you know this girl?"

Marcus paled, but nodded.

-"Good"- Jacob grinned- "to the next one then, do you know where she is now?"

Marcus shook his head, a steady stream of tears rolling down his bearded cheeks. The bastard had a full beard: - "How fucking old are you?"

Marcus jumped at my growled question, answering something unintelligible from behind the gag. Seth gently pulled the gag down, freeing a cacophony of sobs and a more understandable answer:- "23"

I barked a bitter laugh:- "23, and you were dating a 16 year old, you sick bastard."

-"I never fucked her, I swear!"- He shouted, whatever more nonsense he was going to spew muffled by Seth wisely pulling up the gag into place just as my anger began to take over.

I punched a big ass hole to the brick wall, leaving my knuckles bloody and quite possibly broken. Marcus nearly fainted at the site.

Jacob tutted:-"That wasn´t very nice of you Marcus, no more swearing from now on, ok?"

The man nodded, fearful eyes glued to Embry´s back.

-"Ok, next question: when was the last time you saw her?"

Jacob removed the gag and waited patiently as the man sobbed and snorted away.

-"May-maybe 4 months ago, I don´t know, we broke up over the phone I-I."

Jacob shushed him again, almost comforting, lulling tone: -"Good, that´s very good. Now do you know where she lives?"

Marcus shook his head determinedly and Jacob raised a dubious brow: -"You dated her for almost a year and you don´t know where she lives?"

Jacob made to take hold of a finger and Marcus lost his mind:- "Wait, I swear I don´t know, she never told me! She didn´t want her father finding out about us! We only met at my apartment! Please!"

Jacob´s hand backed away: -"Hmm, let´s keep it down a bit, don´t want to wake the neighbors, right?"

Marcus nodded weakly:- "Just please, did her father send you? I swear I haven´t talked to her since that last time we broke up... Just please don´t kill me."

He broke down in tears, and I could see this was deeply disturbing for Seth, who was subtly rubbing his arms in a stealth way for giving himself comfort. Quil on the other hand, looked like his whole vision on the world had morphed and suddenly found himself the villain of his own story.

My heart ached at what I was putting my brothers thru. What I had forced their hand into.

I cleared my throat to gather their attention:- "I can handle this."

Jacob sent me a suspicious glance, but one look at our brothers and he nodded. Silently guiding them outside.

Marcus stopped whimpering and stared at me with terrified green eyes. I took a second to appreciate the man, a gangly, tall, blond man, with prominent cheekbones and what looked like a croaked nose, probably broken as a kid and never set properly.

I sighed and sat in front of the man, letting my burning jealousy subside in favor of getting the answers I needed and finding Tessa, _my Tessa_.

And with that thought, I spoke calmly: -"Tessa´s gone missing, her father didn´t send me, I came here on my own volition."- Marcus sobbing began to quiet, realization dawning on his bearded face- "And as you´ve already seen, I don´t have the best temper"- I not so subtly nodded towards the great hole on the wall behind us- "nor the most patience. So I´m going to ask and you´re going to answer as quick and as detailed as you can... do you understand?"

Marcus nodded, finally calm and collected as he spoke:- "She got her hooks on you too?"

-"That doesn´t matter."

-"Oh but it does"- He urged, leaning in slightly with a bit of a demented gleam to his eyes- "She knows how to get into a man´s head."

-"I said"- I gritted, trying to control the fevered need to rip him apart at the way he sneered about her, but he just kept talking.

-"Look, I haven´t seen her in almost 5 months, after her father sent some thugs to beat me up so as to make sure I never touched his precious little girl..."

Marcus laughed bitterly- "little did he know, his little girl knew how to play a very wicked game, and _oh did she ever_. She was just _so good_."

"Tell me, did she ever dance for you? Make you sit and not move so she could see what she did to you and know you wouldn´t dare lay a hand on her, least she´d stop?"

I looked directly into Marcus eyes, finally seeing him for what he was: A man in love, a man scorned and lashing out.

-"You love her." I spat to his face, watching as a flash of hurt contorted his face.

-"And so do you."

-"Yes, and that´s why I´m here, she´s gone missing, she´s sick, has been for months now" - Marcus scoffed at this, but I pressed forward anyway- "she may be dying somewhere, alone... I have to find her."

Marcus looked at me for a long while, my words sinking in slowly, but surely.

-"You´re serious?"- He grasped, I nodded somberly and watched him blink away fresh tears- "Is it cancer?"

-"Dementia."

Marcus chuckled:- "Figures the bitch would be crazy."

I clenched my fists until my freshly healed knuckles turned white. But I didn´t move. I waited. And then Marcus spoke.

-"Look, I don´t know much but I do know her father is a big time lawyer, best there is in the state even. Also he´s associated with some very dangerous people doing some dirty work, fake papers, smuggling, fraud and stuff... His name is Jason Jenks. Look him up, might take you to his office, but if Tessa´s gone missing and even her father can´t find her... there might not be anything left to find."

A harsh breath left me as it had just been punched out of my chest. I shook my head, denying the mere thought of my Tessa being hurt or... dead.

Marcus fixed a pitying look on me and babbled away:- "Or she might have teased the wrong guy, she never really knew which buttons not to push, and she did so love to be a cockteas-"

And before I knew it my fist had made contact with his face, not hard, not nearly as hard as I wanted to, but enough to knock him out cold. And just as Jacob, Quil and Seth ran inside to prevent me from murdering the bastard, I breathed in deep and began untying him in a resolute silence. And slowly, they began to tidy up the place, wiping off the evidence as I laid the sorry excuse of a man on the couch and made my way out with my brothers by my side.

With a new name in mind.

Jason Jenks...

 **Author note: Please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 8:

Tessa had woken to an agonizing pain coursing through her veins, scorching her from the inside out, and completely unable to move... _to scream_.

And so it went on, for what felt like years of mind-numbing pain. Until there was no more, just one last flicker of fire on the back of her throat. And for that she was grateful, for that she wept as she sucked in a heaving breath and curled into herself.

And there were no tears. Just wrecked sobs ripping from her burning throat.

A gentle hand came to brush her hair away from her face and gently probe a plastic straw between her dry lips with soft spoken words:- "Drink"- it said.

Tessa drunk, and the burning subsided until it was nothing but a little itch.

She opened her eyes and saw the world as if it were suddenly under a microscope, every speckle of dust, every grit in the bricked walls. And met eyes with possibly the most beautiful woman she´d ever seen.

The pale, mahogany haired beauty caressed her face with gentle hands and slowly, Tessa began to understand

-"My dad said he was taking me to a place where they could make me better"- I said, my voice different, more melodic- "Am I better now?"

The woman smiled:- "Yes"

It took us almost a month to find Jason Jenks, and by then, it was only on an old newspaper, an obituary, of him and his young daughter. A fire it said. Nearly burned a whole block down. Gas leak, the firemen confirmed.

Embry screamed himself to unconsciousness that day, uncaring of the eyes of the strangers passing him on the packed streets of Seattle, or the concerned eyes of his packmates.

 _ **Tessa was dead**_ , and it wasn´t even her disease that took her from him.

A fucking gas leak... what were the odds.

Embry didn´t know how he got back from Seattle to La Push, how he got to his home, he didn´t even understand how he kept breathing, _Tessa was gone now, why was he still here?_

 _His mother cried a lot_ , he thought, but she also talked to him, told him how her day had gone, how horrid the weather was even if they were barely brushing fall and had no right to be this cold. But mostly, she talked about him, how much she missed her son.

Those times she´d take his limp hands and kiss his knuckles tenderly, and tell him stories of when he was young. Just a baby boy.

-"I remember the first time you smiled at me"- she said, running her cold fingers thru his growing hair- " **really** smiled at me. You were such a serious baby. All big doe eyes and solemn little frown. I had just gotten out of the shower, you sitting patiently in your chair, such a good baby, and I was singing to you. A bee gees song I think"- and she began to sing, softly and out of tune- "If I cant have you, I don´t want nobody baby, if I cant have you, ah ah ahhh."

Her voice broke with a sob and a laugh, caught up in her memories:- "You found it to be the funniest thing in the world."

And she cried with me for a little while until everything sunk into darkness again.

Billy had done many bad things in his life, but this one, still haunted him. As he stared at the drained visage of his once, long ago, lover. She was still so lovely...

-"What have you come here for?"- Billy asked, gripping the wheels of his chair with a hard grip, already knowing what her presence meant.

-"I kept my word Bill, I never said a word to anyone, not a _single soul"_ \- She gritted out, voice coarse from all the crying her swollen face belied- "I kept my word... But I can´t do it anymore, I need your help, Embry needs your help."

-"There aint nothing I can do for him"- Billy said, sagging slightly into his chair, no wolf had ever survived the death of his soulmate for long, and Embry was a couple of weeks of starvation away from meeting her on the other side, only the will of the woman in front of him kept him alive this long. And he admired that, but he wasn´t grateful.

-"How can you say that?!"- She bellowed, desperation and pain taking hold of her as she screamed to her hearts content- "How can you give up on him, on your _son_. You selfish bastard! You cold, heartless son of a bitch!"

She let out a blood chilling wail, a mother´s sorrow in it´s most crude form.

-"I can´t- I can´t lose him, Bill"- she finally quaked, sliding down the wall to limply fall on the wooden floor- "I´m losing our son, Bill."

She sobbed for a long while, and I silently closed my eyes as I heard the pained howl not far form here.

-"And I´ve just lost both of my sons."

Billy wheeled back and away from the crumbled woman in his living room, to lock himself in his room and await his judgment.

A week had passed since Tessa had been turned into a vampire, a marvelous week with no monsters crawling out of dark corners to haunt her. Only the stifling thirst that sometimes shook her to the very core. But Bella was always very kind, and very generous, bringing her cup after cup of fresh blood to soothe her aching throat until her belly was full and she was flushed with satisfaction.

The Cullen's were all very welcoming, explaining patiently and very thoroughly the new world she lived in, all the new possibilities, and all it´s limitations. Her father for example. What he´d done to get her this new life.

-"So I can never see him again?"- I had asked Carlisle one day, as he had brought me a fresh cup of blood that I suddenly had no appetite for.

Carlisle had fixed me with a soft, sorrowful look and I then silently sipped at my cup just to hold back the wailing I felt like doing.

And so, I wrote to him. In a little leather bound notebook Edward had given me, knowing as I did now how he could read one´s thoughts it no longer surprised me how accurately he would guess what I would need.

I never sent the letters I wrote him, but it gave me comfort, in a way, to write my thoughts as if I was confiding in him, as I used to not long ago. And each time I signed with: Gratefully, Tessa.

I had a life to look forward to, just as he´d promised me.

Almost 2 months had passed since Jacob had visited the Cullen clan, and more importantly, Nessie. So when Bella heard the heavy paws of the shapeshifter, her heart jumped with joy, quickly picking her daughter into her arms and carrying her to him. And there he was, in his cut off shorts and daunt faced glory.

Nessie touched Bella´s face, replaying the miserable face of her friend with an alarmed tone to the scene. She wanted to know what had happened to him.

Jacob looked at Nessie as he so often did. Like the sun rose and set with her and he had only now discovered daylight. So he gently took her from Bella´s arms and wrapped her into a tight hug. Worrying Bella for a moment that he´s smother her. But Nessie hugged him back with the same strength and something from Jacob´s shoulder´s lifted.

-"Jake, what happened?"

-"Oh Bells, what _hasn´t_ happened?"

And so he babbled about Embry finding his soulmate, losing his soulmate, the quest to find her only to find an article about her fiery demise a while later. And Embry´s slow, agonizing transition to the grave.

-"And to put the damn cherry on the fucked up cake"- he crackled, broken by a sob he smothered in Nessie´s honey comb curls- "I just found out my father had an affair 18 years ago..."

Bella´s eyes widen in shock.

-"Yeah, Embry´s my brother in more than just name."

-"How..?" Bella gasped. Still unable to wrap her head around it, though silently joining in all the resemblance she had never thought to take notice between the two boys, the same little croaked, devil may care smirk, the shape of the ears, the solemn shine in their eyes...

-"I heard Embry´s mom begging my dad to help him, said she was losing their son."

-"Oh Jacob..."

-"I´m losing my brother Bells, he´s dying right in front of me and I can´t do a single thing to stop it."

And suddenly, there was Edward. Sporting an expression Bella had never seen on his handsome features before.

Jacob hurriedly dried his tears and curled around Nessie even more tightly, which she silently bared with, rubbing small circles on his large shoulders in means of comfort.

Edward stared at us for a long moment, before he finally said:- "There is someone you should meet, Jacob."

Embry vaguely recognized the man in the wheel chair, sitting in front of him with sad eyes, he was someone he used to admire, he thought. He didn´t know how he felt now that he´d said those 3 words:

 _I´m your father_.

Funny how long he´d been waiting to hear someone say those words. Figures he´d get to hear them when they no longer meant a damn thing.

-"I thought you should know, before..."- Billy, his father, trailed off, eyes watering but with a stiff upper lip.

I just lay there, in my bed, wishing my life away.

Then there was a sob, and a warm calloused hand on his cheek, as Billy firmly vowed:- "You are my son, Embry. And I love you. And if all everyone ever told you was that you were a mistake well I´m here tellin´ you you are the best mistake I have ever made. And If I could take all this pain from you I would in a second...But I can´t, I can´t and I´m sorry... I´m sorry."

And then there was the sound of a gun cocked.

Tessa was playing the violin in her sordid little room, relearning the right amount of pressure and speed to rip the most beautiful notes from the fine strings. And just as she was achieving a nice, round G mayor, the door to the basement opened and a flurry of smells assaulted her senses. One in particular quite potent. _Dog._

She wrinkled her nose in distaste; turning to tell Emmett, who usually was one to give her the most grieve of the Cullen clan, to leave. She then noticed a tall, copper skinned man, with dark eye circles and a gaunt, exhausted parlor. He looked at her as if he was seeing a ghost.

-"Hello"- Tessa said, uncertainty tainting her voice as she slowly made out Bella´s horrified face standing just behind the man.- "Bella?"

The man visibly winced, turning a cold look to the darling vampire who cared for me and said:-" You have no idea what you´ve done."

And left.

I turned my worried gaze to look at Bella, who simply shut the door behind them and left me there to wonder...

 **Author note: Please review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Horrors in my mind**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 9:

Leah burst into Embry´s house, ignoring his mother´s shouted protest as she strode purposely into the boy´s room. Taking in the visage of the now skinny and pale boy, where once there was health and smiles.

Leah blinked the image away and roughly began to shake Embry into consciousness.

-"Leah Clearwater, you leave this room in this instant!"- Embry´s mom barked just as he opened his dull, unfocused eyes.

-"Embry, wake up! You need to move, now!"- Leah shouted in his ear, they were running out of time- "Come on you pathetic piece of shit!"

And suddenly the sound of a shotgun cocking behind her froze them in place. Slowly Leah turned to stare up a shotgun´s barrel and face a demented, pained woman:- "I said leave..."

Leah slowly stood, moving very carefully as to not scare the poor woman as she spoke to the big bulk of bones in the small bed:-"She´s alive Embry, Tessa´s alive."

-"Don´t talk to him you-"

-"You´re lying"- A croaked, broken voice said from the other side of the room, stunning the armed woman into silence. Not paying attention to the girl in front of her, who took the opportunity and snatched the gun from the woman´s shaking hands.

-"I´m not, but if we don´t go now, she might not be by morning..."

Embry´s mom, launched into a frenzied rage, trying and failing to rip the gun out of Leah´s iron hands: -"You won´t take my son, I won´t let you take him!"

Leah finally snapped and with a shrill shriek, she bent the shotgun´s barrel into a neat u, right before the woman´s shocked eyes, and carefully spoke:- "I´m not taking your son, I´m trying to give him back."

And on the other side of the room, the bed springs creaked as a heavy weight lifted from them...

-"I told you this would end badly, Bella."- Rosalie sneered. Taking a determined stand next to her mate, Emmett, as the Cullen´s formed a steady line in a wide clearing, ready to face whatever retribution the Quilutes sent their way.

Bella blinked away phantom tears as she began to hear the heavy paws of dozens of wolves coming their way. Just behind her stood the reason for this. Her greatest act of betrayal. Holding her daughter in a tender hold, red eyes wide with fear and confusion.

None of this was her fault, and even with possible death stomping on their doorstep, Bella could not come to regret her decision. She had saved her life. And the freaking wolves just had to see that. Bella gripped on tighter to her husband´s hand as a giant dark wolf creped into the clearing, followed closely by many other, smaller wolves. The reddish wolf, Jacob, nowhere to be seen.

So this was all Sam Ulley´s judgment...

Edward spoke then, his voice taking the hard, unflinching monotone Sam preferred:- "He say´s we´ve broken the treaty, again. But this time they cannot pass."

-"But how have we broken it? if it was done unbeknownst and in order to save a life."- Carlisle argued, his voice so calm and amenable.

Edward took a deep breath and continued to translate:- "Was it an immediate death or a perceived one? They were of the knowledge she still had 6 months at her side, and maybe more under the right care... I can´t, that´s not how dementia works!"- Edward blew, frustrated with the thoughts of the irrational wolf- "it is a steady down hill to insanity! 6 months later and there may not have been anything left to save!"

Some of the wolves turned uncertain glances between their ranks, but one firm snort of the giant black wolf steadied them, eyes blank.

Edward seemed to pale under his immortal features, swallowing with some trouble:-"What´s he saying?"-Emmett growled, his fierce face twisted in a near snarl, itching to fight.

Edward´s throat worked for a silent moment, before turning to look at Carlisle with a deeply pained golden eyes:- "They demand the life of the vampire who turned her, and they will pardon the rest of us in grace for the imprints in the family. But a price must be paid. This cannot go unpunished..."

The last part was spoken nearly in tone to Sam´s own voice. I could feel how the neophyte slowly set Nessie to her feet in a stunned silence. How Esme´s lovely face contorted in pain and Carlisle´s own set with sadness.

Before anyone could say a single thing, Bella took a step forward and said:- "I did it."

-"No!"

A black wolf launched in a rabid snarl, giant jaws open to rip and tear, when cold, strong hands attempted to pull Bella back, and then she was tackled to the ground, an amazing force behind the push that sent both vampires flying into the middle of the clearing.

And suddenly, all hell broke loose.

Bella turned to look at the young redhead laying on top of her, protecting her with her small body as wolves began to surround them and she heard Edward snarl a couple of feet away.

Nessie began to cry.

Wolves howled and just as Sam approached the vampires, closely huddled together, another polka dotted wolf broke into the circle, snarling and snapping at the black wolf. The skinny, nearly all bone and fur thing looked at the two women on the wet grass and it whined, huge shoulder´s sagging with relief. A few baseball sized tears slid down his face as he looked at them. No, as he looked at the girl. Tessa...

The neophyte fixed them with a terrified look, still closing Bella´s body in an unshakeable hold.

Nearly in sync, all the wolves howled, a miserable thing that chilled the vampire to the bone. But under that, there was hope. And just as the polka dotted wolf stumbled to the ground, it´s lanky legs no longer holding him up. Jacob came in full stride. Snarling at Sam and his pack until he´d achieved a begrudging submission, but not a surrender, as Sam and several other wolves continued to snap at Jacob´s pack, diving in seek of an opening to get a chunk out of the vampires just behind them.

Then Edward was by their side, hugging Bella tightly to him, still keeping her body just behind Tessa´s as a precaution.

-"You stupid, reckless little..."- Edward snapped, showering quick kisses to her face.

-"I´m sorry"- Bella chirped. Hugging him just as tightly.

Edward growled- "Not good enough."- And took a passionate kiss from her lips, stealing her breath and her every thought with it.

A couple of feet from them, Embry lay on the wet ground, eyes glued to his lovely Tessa, his pale, red eyed, immortal Tessa.

And again, the silly thought came to mind. Not even her vampire scarlet eyes could match the red of her hair.

He whined again as his vision began to blur, he didn´t want to go back to sleep, he wanted to keep looking at his Tessa, his Tessa who had come back to him.

So he whined louder, dragging his weak body towards her. Only for her to scurry away in fear, nearly bumping with the two vampires sucking face just inches behind her.

Embry whimpered and settled into the ground, if he had to die now he could go a happy man. Tessa was ok, after all, and that was the only thing he cared about.

-"Please!"- He heard one of the vampire's shout- "He need´s help!"

All the snarling and yapping started to quiet down and a blurry series of movements were caught by Embry with the end of his eye, but paid it no mind.

Was that the doctor vampire pulling at him, or the big burly one? Whoever it was had a really strong grip. But more importantly, they were dragging him away from Tessa. Embry snarled and threw a vicious bite towards the cold hands pulling at him. The hands left him for a second, before coming back with a vengeance.

-"Tessa, come help us, dear."

And after a stumped second, Tessa came close, and placed her small hands on the side´s of my face, stopping me from lashing out at the hands manhandling me. Her hands were really cold.

-"Stay close Tessa, we need to take him home..."

Tessa nodded at the other vampire, and grabbed a handful of my thick, shaggy fur, fixing me with a curious look, a tid bit sad. So I whimpered, bumping my nose to hers in what I hoped was taken as a comforting gesture. Tessa´s little pointy nose wrinkled but reluctantly smiled. She still had those cute dimples in her cheeks.

I sighed as the vampires carried me away, and before I knew it, my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

Tessa didn´t know what to make of all this mess, one second she´s forbidden from leaving her room, then she´s pulled into the woods with the young halfling vampire she´d only faintly smelled on Bella´s clothes and spoke to with little notes shoved under the soundproofed door.

Then werewolves turn out to be a thing. They wanted to kill her, or her new family, whichever happened to be standing closer. And then she was saved by a half dead squeletical werewolf which refused to leave her side, then promptly fainting, turning back into a famished human, flashing his junk at her, as did many other wolves who joined them shortly after.

So she settled by Carlisle´s side, holding the boy wolf´s lanky hand as her metaphorical father expertly put an IV and a long tube through the boy´s nose. Tessa winced along with the rest of his friends, who stood there now fully if not adequately clothed. Carlisle sent them a sheepish smile:- "To feed him."

The biggest guy nodded, sitting down on one of the chairs in the far corner of the room, his eyes landing on the neophyte once again. As did the other wolves in the room. Tessa resisted the urge to snap at them and concentrated on Carlisle´s agile hands, handing him everything he asked for in quick succession and soon the little basement home had become a hospital room.

-"That should be it, for now." Carlisle declared, taking one last look at the monitors and all the tubes he´d just stuck in the boy, finding everything in order.

-"Is he going to be ok?"- One of the wolves asked, his voice strained.

Carlisle smiled gently-"Of course he will, he is young, strong and extremely motivated. He will be up and about in no time."

The wolves sighed in relief, a strange, synchronized breath that made Tessa´s eyebrow twitch. And just as she made to follow Carlisle outside, he stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder and a kind, pleading look.

-"You should stay by his side, Tessa."

-"Why?" She blurted, tired of the looks and all the mystery surrounding these people who had just seen fit to invade her little haven. Carlisle smiled that little smile people usually reserve for small children.

-"Your presence helps him."

-"So now I have a ¨Healing Presence¨."- She sassed away, but still obeyed him and sat by the sleeping boy´s side, pouting at his relaxed features.

-"In this case, you do"- He chuckled, before turning to the largest man in the corner- "Jacob, would you mind accompanying me upstairs?"

Jacob sent them one last undecipherable look and followed Carlisle in silence. Then the padded reinforced steal door closed behind them and Tessa was alone with 4 wolves, one a pretty intimidating shewolf and another one lazing about on her bed. The other two just sort of stood there with lost expressions.

Tessa patted the boy´s hand softly, noticing how his face relaxed further with the simple contact. She frowned but held on to his hand anyway, remembering faintly the feeling of being bedridden and fed by a tube. Tessa shuddered and held on tightly to the copper limb.

-"His name is Embry"- The she wolf blurted, face tired and bleak- "In case you were wondering."

-"I was." The vampire admitted, hackles rising at her sour tone- "I was wondering whom to blame for ruining my sheets."

Tessa then turned her back to her, but not before noticing a dark smirk take over her beautiful face. As if the snappy remark had proven her right as she turned to her forlorn friends.

Tessa gritted her teeth:- "Why are you still here?"

-"He´s our brother, we can´t just leave him."

-"He is being cared for by an immortal Doctor with centuries of experience on his back, who doesn´t sleep and a glorified nurse"- Tessa waved at herself in a grandiose gesture-, "who also, doesn´t sleep. He couldn´t be better off."

The two boy´s shared a dubious look and the girl´s face just turned even more bitter.

-"And then what would stop you from taking a chunk out of him"- She spat.

Tessa blinked:- "The smell?"

One of the wolves snorted and quickly covered it with a massive hand while the shewolf silently glowered at me.

Tessa turned her gaze back to the fallen wolf as she felt the boy, Embry, twitch in his sleep. Tessa jumped slightly, still etched to her mind the image of giant fangs and rabid eyes as she shushed him, carding a soft, dubious hand thru his shaggy, greasy hair. He really needed a shower. Silently she began to dread just who would be put on sponge bath duty.

Tessa belatedly noticed the wolves coming closer. The youngest looking one said:- "He doesn´t like it when you´re anxious."

-"Well you´re not exactly comforting company"- She said, keeping her eyes fixed to the sunken face of the boy-man, Embry- currently snoozing on her bed. Out of the corner of her eye she took note of Leah, who was ignoring her in turn to touch Embry´s sheet covered foot and fix him with a sorry gaze.

They stood in an awkward silence for a moment.

-"Does Lemonwood lane 506 sound familiar?"- Leah asked, breaking the odd atmosphere, her tone carefully blank. Tessa turned a stunned gaze to her.

-"Obviously."- The young vampire said with a perplexed look, mirrored by the 3 wolves, Tessa elaborated carefully:- "This is 506 Lemonwood lane."

-"No, it isn´t"- One of the werewolves started, with cautious tone that put Tessa on edge.

-"Of course it is. My dad told me about this place, said they could help me."

\- "Lemonwood is the street where a private asylum is"- Leah explained- "this is the Cullen Household, right on the other side of town."

Tessa stared at her for a long second. Feeling bereft.

-"You gave him that address, a couple of months ago, you meet at a dinner on the edge of town and you gave him that address"- Leah whispered- "Told him to come visit you when he could... He went there the very next day."

Tessa searched her face with bright crimson eyes, uncertain and trying hard to remember but drawing a complete blank. Tessa swallowed painfully, focusing on Embry´s still form.

-"I don´t remember"

-"You told him to fuck off, threatened to stab him and plead guilty under influence."- One wolf said, smiling wide as if the memory of it was a particular life achievement.

-"He must have made quite the impression."- Tessa stammered, thinking she´d be beat red if her blood were still flowing. To her side another, unnamed wolf chuckled and said:

-"His pick up line was: Hi! My name is Embry!"

Tessa´s lips twitched in a blend of an unwilling smile and an embarrassed wince.

-"Smooth"- She rasped, noticing how Leah forced down a smile.

The silence that came after was not as stifling as before, and as the wolves settled around the room Tessa could almost forget they were there and sync her –unnecessary- breathing to Embry´s.

After a while, one by one: Quil, Seth, Leah, the wolves introduced themselves in quiet, kind voices, and for a moment Tessa could almost forget that they could burst into ragging fur balls at a pin drop. There was no more conversation after that, even as Tessa was bubbling with questions, she didn´t dare ask.

Then the door to the basement opened and in came Edward. Sending the wolves a small smile and adding:- "Jacob is waiting for you upstairs."

The three sent their fallen brother a reluctant look. To what Tessa silently said.- "I won´t eat him while you´re gone"- then adding a bit more heatedly: "Obviously"

Edward smiled his classic croaked smile and added with amused tones:- "You are coming upstairs with us, there are many things we need to talk about."

Tessa found herself looking back at her charge with troubled eyes:- "But I´m healing."

Seth laughed loudly and pulled the young vampire out and up the dark stairway with a happy:- "He´s not going anywhere, Tessa!"

Later, Tessa wished she´d stayed in the basement.

She took a deep breath, eyes roaming the faces in the crowded living room. Vampires and Werewolves alike staring intently at her blank face.

They told her everything. What imprinting was (after she´d stupidly blurted: Isn´t that what ducklings do?), what it meant for werewolves, technically shapeshifters. That Embry had imprinted on her.

Basically said they were soulmates and the world just hadn´t bothered in letting her know about it, only Embry receiving that memo.

-"Ok."

It seemed to be rather anticlimactic for them, as Jacob, the alpha, turned a astounded look from his packmates to the Cullen´s both more than a little confused.

-"Ok?"- Jasper asked, his scarred face contorted in an unusual mask of perplexed amazement.

-"Yes... ok"- Tessa said, shrugging her shoulders and blankly stared at them.

In an eerie gesture everyone suddenly turned to look at Edward in askens. To what Edward merely replied:- "Ok."

Tessa rolled her eyes dramatically, feeling all the stress and fear from before building up in her unmoving chest as she sneered:- "Yes OK, yes I believe you, yes I understand what that means, am I agreeing to this? _Absolutely not_."

-"And there it is!"- Emmett cheered, ignoring the offended glares of the wolfpack on his back.

-"Well what did you expect?"- She snapped, straightening in her chair and fixing the wolves with an incredulous glare of her own- "That you could just come out and tell me my soulmate is Embry Call and I´d immediately swoon into his arms? This isn´t a Disney movie!"

-"But what about Embry?"- Seth pleaded, face sad and a little desperate, as most of the other wolves. Tessa felt herself bristle and clenched her fists in her lap.

-"What about him?"- She echoed, spiteful and feeling cornered. Done with having unmovable facts thrown on her back.

-"What! What do you mean what?!"- Leah snarled, raising from her seat and looming over Tessa with a furious glare- "He went through hell and back for you and you"-

Tessa jumped to her feet, startling the rest of the room to a stand, soon Tessa felt the steady but restraining hands of Carlisle on her shoulders:-"Calm down child"

-"I am not letting anyone decide my life for me"- She snarled, raising to her full, not so impressive height and spat right into Leah´s face:-"I owe you _nothing_ "

Jacob stepped between the two fuming girls, passing a restraining arm around Leah´s middle and speaking in careful tones:- "We are not trying to guilt you into anything, Tessa, we just want you to understand how Embry feels about you".

-"I´m not undermining Embry´s feelings, but you are undermining mine!"- Tessa burst, looking now at Jacob with earnest, blood red eyes- "I don´t know him. I can´t love someone I don´t know! I didn´t get the earth shattering epiphany he did. All I know is that he is currently lounging about on my bed with tubes sticking out of almost all his orifices."

In an approving gesture, Rosalie purred-"Kinky"- curling her slender arms around Emmett, booming in laughter.

The werewolves looked at each other, uncomfortable and uncertain, but most of all scared.

-"Embry will die without you..."- A small voice broke the tension in the air, the whole room turned to look at a solemn Samuel Ulley. Alone and vulnerable without his bared fangs and loyal pack at his back. His dark eyes on her so terribly, impossibly sad.

Tessa´s lips pursed as she steeled herself in front of the new unmovable fate.

-"I can´t... I`m sorry but I can´t"

 **Author note: Please review.**


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